grrrrrr fucking grrrrrr

well i had some amazing sex! and that was all fine and dandy. but afterwards marvin and i was talking about how once someone was with him, they never can go back... and so in a joking/ serious fashion, i told him that he better not leave me. and he looked at me, and said that i knew that he'll be leaving eventually. which i know... then i said, why do i always get myself into these abnormal relationships. and it's true... i always do. the last few people i've been with wasn't really anything. sex sex sex... and me falling for the guy.... and that's the problem right now. i really think i love marvin, but how can i tell him? he already knows what i want, he knows i want him to be my boyfriend. i want this to be official, and to go somewhere. i'm sick of being the one with all these emotions, and not have them shared. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!?! and when will i find someone who really wants to be with me... someone who loves me in return?