all alone for once

wow, a weekend without marvin! it's been so nice not having to worry about waking him up in the morning... or having to cook a meal... cereal has been most of my meals for the last 2 days! to come and go, and not worry about how my house will look when i get back. my ciggs and weed has been lasting me a lot longer with out him being around. i'm loving my solitude!

don't get me wrong... i love hanging out with him, and i like/ care about him a lot... even on the verge of loving him. but he's here all the time.... from the time i get up, to when i get off work, to when i go to sleep at night. i'm just not used to having someone here all the time.... i live alone so i can be alone, have my space, and not worry about what others think, need, or want....

oh! alex got a hold of me! i found out his dad passed away recently... very sad. and his building has to be torn down.... but the reason for him dropping off the face of the earth is still unknown. i'm glad that he's still around and breathing. i was very worried about him.

other than that, not much going on. my sister is getting married in a few months, my kid sister is no longer the cute little girl that i loved hanging out with.... now she's an annoying 8 yr old. so sad.... i work, but not enough... i struggle almost everyday with the stress of making sure bills are paid, cats have what they need, and that there's food in the house.

well that's it for now.

is it just chance that this happens?

i dream of your touch, your kiss, of you

and you become available.

it's almost as if it were meant to be.

i know this is more of my crazy desires

that some how you and i would rekindle

what is now only embers.

that you would look at me and past all my faults

and say you love me.

you would take my hand, and hold it tight

and kiss me until i was dizzy in your arms

i know this is just a dream

and i know it'll remain as a dream,

it'll be our memories i'll live with.

urges

it's been a while now

since our bodies have touched

since words have been exchanged

since your image was in my mind

all of a sudden

i've felt this strong urge to see you again

i've revisited our memories

all the times we shared

and i've missed you

i've missed so much about you

the willingness to feel, the passion, and beauty

i've missed you playing with my hands

you laying in my lap

showers that had nothing to do with

cleaning ourselves

i've been aching for your kiss

your touch...

memories are just not enough

i wish we could make more.