it's been great!

well my 26th birthday has come and passed. (oct. 23) went to madison with my friend mel, who's birthday was 3 days before mine. got a nice piece, toked the whole time, ate at an Italian place, got some bumper stickers for my bike, and things like that. oh yeah... i got laid! marvin and i finally decided to express ourselves physically. :) it was awesome! but that was very early morning on my birthday. i got about 3 hrs of sleep for the madison trip. lol. and since having sex we have been spending more time together, he is seeming more into me, more lovey dovey.... i love it! i haven't been this happy for quite sometime.

other then that.... went to a "zombie prom night".... all people dressed as zombies were recorded chasing and "eating" a drunk guy walking down the street. i ended up tripping because of my platform knee high boots....hit my knee, sprained my wrist, and pulled a muscle in my leg. my friend amanda ended up meeting the sidewalk with her face, biting her lower lip, and cracking her knee pretty badly. (she tripped over me after i fell.....lol.... i guess that's what she gets for following so closely) we didn't know how bad her face got it until she washed off all the fake blood.

i watched my friend dez burn her wedding dress and all things the reminded her of her ex husband. her divorce was finalized last week... it was a lot of fun. i got to rip the dress off of her, drank some beer, dez met marvin, and playing with sparklers.

last night was the nightmare before christmas party. pretty awesome! my friends mixed music samples together to go along with the movie "nightmare before christmas". (kinda like the "dark side of the moon" with "wizard of oz") very cool... toked and smoked, drank, hung out with friends i haven't seen for a while, made out with marvin... went home around 3am....and today is halloween. so i went trick or treating with my sisters, my nephew, and a bunch of other kids and adults. i got a small candy bowl full of candy. pretty good for someone who doesn't have kids...lol. i watched my nephew trip and fall at least 15 times. my ankle gave out and i fell and got my knee. great times.

well i guess that's all i got for now. bye for now.

seeing what happens

well, i guess things are going good with me and marvin. we have been talking about all the risks of having sex.... and i think it may happen. he told we need to get condoms that fit properly. and i just picked up some yesterday. so we will see what happens. but other than the whole sex thing, things are awesome! he's made me supper, spends the night and holds me the whole night.... tells me that i'm a strong women, and really likes me. i'm falling for him hard! i really hope things work out. we will see.

other than that... not much going on in my life. i work a lot, hang out with friends, smoke and toke, and things along those lines. i really lead a boring life...lol. and there's nothing i can do about it.

so, that's where i'm going to end this. bye for now.

still seeing what's going on

well hello to those who are not really reading this...lol. well marvin and me are still doing what ever we are doing. he spent the night last night, this morning we were talking about herpes and all the risks involved. i guess i'm trying to convince him that it's ok to start a sexual relationship. he's very worried about contracted this... which is understandable. but i'm starting to get kind of sick of this. he gets to be pleased and all, but he won't do anything for me. i pretty much told him that if this doesn't go any farther, that we'll have to be only friends. it's really not all about the sex or anything... but it's really unfair for me. i give him pleasure that is risk free, and i go home all wound up....

and then things get more interesting. i have this friend in milwaukee that i've been talking to for a few months. i told him about how i'm kind of seeing someone, but not sure where it's going. he got sad, and said, well i guess i'm out of the picture. so i told him about why i wasn't sure what was going on. (told him about the herpes) and he said that's cool. his last girl friend had herpes. and that he really likes me.... so i'm torn. i really like marvin, i want to see it go somewhere, but if he can't except me and my problem, it'll never work. and i like alex, we talk all the time, and he is excepting of me...... so i don't know. we'll see what happens.

really.... what the fuck

ok... so i meet this guy "marvin" and we kick it off pretty nicely. we have a lot of friends in common, we enough a lot of the same things....making out with him is awesome. we've been kind of seeing each other for about a month now. his roommate knows about me, and just asked that i told him as soon as i felt ready. which i was planning any ways. well yesterday was the day. i'm not sure what is going to happen. we still made out, messed around a little. (my pants stayed on) lots of cuddling, some talking. all fine and good.

this is where i got pissed. a few nights ago i was hanging out with a few friends. one of which is also a friend of marvin. he told me that marvin already knew about me and herpes. but that he found out a few days ago. (i pretty much knew that marvin's roommate told him.) but i was not supposed to know, and i still had to tell him. which i was planning to do this past week. i was sort of ok with him knowing at first. i figured his roommate is his best friend, we have been seeing each other for a while now, so she felt it was time he knew. so later on today, i was at my friend mel's house. i told her i told marvin. and she asked me if i knew that he already knew. i said yes, that he found out a few days ago. (marvin's roommate is also mel's friend) then mel goes on to tell me that marvin's roommate was over a few weeks ago, and told her that she told marvin, and that she didn't think that i would. mel told her she should tell me what she did, and that i always tell people, and i don't mess around. no one told me.....until today. so marvin has known for at least 3 weeks. and pretended that it was all new to him as of last night. i don't know what to make out of this. i want to confront him about it. because i was completely stressed out about having to tell him as it was. and then to have to pretend that i don't know that he already knows. i was hoping that he would have told me that he knew, but wanted me to tell him kind of thing.

well, enough of my rant... bye for now

random thoughts

our lips touched, and i felt a spark
you held my hand, and i melted
your eyes, so intense
look into mine, and all i can do is smile
i want to be held by you all the time
i want you to be in my life
but i have to tell you
that i'm not as perfect as i appear
my life took a wrong turn
it's been a long battle with coming to terms with this
so how can i expect you to understand
how i can i expect you to want me?
i can see your beauty and passion
it beams through your ways and words
i can see that you are something special
and i want to be a part of that
to hold your hand, and say it's all ok
when the world falls apart
but you need to know of the thing that inhabits my body
and the pain and sorrow it can bring
so, the choice is yours
hear my story, and live our lives to the best way possible.

it's been interesting

well lately things have been interesting.... i ended up sleeping with a friend of mine, who knows what's going on in my life... and it was great... and actually the greatest part of it all was that he does not have herpes, and really didn't care that i do. it made me realize that this really isn't the end for me...lol. i've read all these stories about people with it, and finding love. but nothing has been all that great for me. and we're not planning a relationship or anything. and it may have been just that one time. but hey, if he didn't mind, then other people won't either. (at least ones with an open mind, and understands the risks, and how to protect themselves) well, that's actually it on that part of life...lol. so i'll write again later.

fuck fuck fuck!

well, i haven't wrote in a while. but then, nothing has been going on really. (and i'm sure no one reads this)

so.... still have not had a second out break! thank God! (and knock on wood...lol) i got my lip pierced with my best friend. (it's fucking hot!) started talking to "jay" again. (he still knows nothing about my herpes) my mom's adoptive father passed away 2 weeks ago. (i never really knew the man... so i never really considered him my grandpa) other than that... nothing going on.

oh! my ceiling leaks i found out. the apartment above me let their tub over flow... and it all went into my kitchen. that was sunday... and i'm still cleaning out water. why they didn't shut off the water when they realized that the tub was not draining is beyond me. but it pissed me off a lot... and my landlord has not called me back yet. bitch!

well, i guess this is where i'm going to let off for now. so bye for now.....