FUCKING BLAH!

can things be any more boring! it seems i have no life. all i do is work, eat, toke, sleep.... repeat. there's got to be more than this. it's like i'm stuck in this place. and why? because. that's why. i finally have a job where i can take time off, and not worry about it. and yet here i am, sitting at my computer, writing a blog no one reads.

and i still have next to no love life. the only person i can get any physical interaction would be the infector. (the person who gave me herpes) how lame is that? i wish things were different. i wish i was the person i was only a few months ago. i don't want to fucking deal with this anymore! but i really have no choice. (well i guess i could always just off myself) i think this has been the roughest time of my life. it's supposed to get better. (not the physical, the emotional) i feel like i should be over this, i shouldn't be upset. i should shut up and deal. but i really don't know how. i don't have anyone to talk to about this. to my friends, i'm ok. i'm dealing well. but inside, i feel so empty. all i want to do is get stoned, and pretend this isn't my life. how fucked up is that? really? drug induced happiness..... fucked up.

well, i'm all depressing, so i'm just going to shut up for now.