*sigh* tired of my life

well, hanging out with alex was great! we had a lot of fun. but that was two weeks ago. i miss him very much. i wish i could just see him a lot more than i get to. but that's what i get for getting involved with someone who lives an hour south of me, and neither of us drive....

well on with my rant. i'm so sick of hearing about my friends and their relationships..... all i hear is "i love him so much... he's so great..." yadayadayada. and really this is all about one friend of mine. lately i've really needed to talk to someone, and she is the one that's around. i have listened to her the last few months about her now ex boyfriend, and their problems. and now about how great her new boyfriend is. and every time i try to talk to her, open up about whats on my mind... she has to one up me, and go into her life. i am happy she is with someone she really likes, and all. but i really don't want to hear about it all the time. i would like to have my time to talk, and her to listen. she is really all about herself, and everything has to be about her and her love life. and with me, i haven't been in a good relationship in a long time, i've been lonely, and just need someone to be there. like today, she called me back (last night i called to hang out, and she was sleeping i guess) asking if i wanted to go shopping with her. well i'm going out of town for a while today. so i asked if we could hang out later today. well her and her boyfriend haven't hung out in 2 days... even though they live together... and so she can't hang out with me. i know i sound like a whinny lil kid, but really.... i need someone to hang out with, someone i can turn to when i'm feeling down. this whole herpes thing is getting me down. who is really going to want to be with me for the long run? who is going to risk their own health for me? i keep thinking about settling down, finding mr. right, having a family.... but who going to want that with me?

well that's enough of that. maybe things with alex will work out. he seems to really like me, and accepts me and all my flaws. we will have to wait and see.

i guess that it's for now... bye