i'm so bored!

my god! i'm so bored! there is really nothing to do around here. and i have no money at the moment. so it really limits me. also it's really crappy around here.... rain and temps. around 50 or so. (the temp. isn't bad... but the wind and rain)

well my best friend had her baby on saturday. a lil girl. and i got to see the birth! very awesome and beautiful. i almost cried. and she's a beautiful little girl. i'm very grateful to be apart of the whole baby being born thing.

back to me being bored.... other than seeing a baby being born, i have nothing going on in my life. the guy "jay" and i haven't talked in a while... i don't know what's going on w/ that. he doesn't know about the whole herpes thing. and as far as i know, i haven't done anything else to scare him off.... so yeah. i work all the time, then come home watch tv, if it's nice out; i'll bike, shit like that. i have no life. (this is probably why no reads this..lol)

well, i have nothing else to blab about at the moment....so yeah....bye for now.

it's finally getting warm out side!

i'm so happy! it's finally getting nice outside! winter is offically over. it's funny, i'm a winter person. but this year, i just couldn't wait for it to get nice outside. i guess biking has become a big part of who i am now, and when i can't bike i feel so blah!

well, still talking to jay. haven't seen him since last week. hopefully i'll get to see him soon again. and when i do get to see him again i think it will be the time to tell him. i'm going to start out with questions like.... where do you see "us" going? what do you want to become of this? what do you feel for me? and then, depending on his answers, i will tell him. he says he really likes me, and wants thing to go on to something. he doesn't seem to mind the whole idea of waiting for sex. he doesn't want to rush things either. so maybe this will work.... and he will still want to go on with an actual relationship. i guess i'll will have to wait and see. time will tell.

well i guess i'll let you all go for now. (not that any one really reads this) bye for now!

mmmmmmm

well, i got to see "jay" last night. it was so nice! we walked the pier, went to the lighthouse. after that, we went out for dinner. eventually we came back to my place to watch americans next top model. we made out, got each other all going....lol. but that's where it ends. if he can, he's coming over sunday. i think i'll tell him then. because i rather tell him before we get all physical. what a mood killer would that be... all touching, sheding clothes.... then "hey, i got herpes...want to continue?" i'm pretty sure that wouldn't go over that well.

well that's it for now. nothing really new going on. work...sleep...toke...work....sleep....toke. there's my life. so i'm going to cut this short. bye to all.

so nervous!

yeah, well i'm pretty sure i'm experiencing my second outbreak. no sores, just tingling and itching. but i'm on my anti viral now. so maybe this is the worse it'll get. i hope so. i can handle this.

well lets get to the meds. i finally got my prescription. went to walgreens... without insurance it would have been $49. the person at the pharmacy told me about this thing they have to help with the cost of prescriptions. all i had to do is pay $20, and register. for two months worth and the $20 copay, it cost me $32. awesome! it'll be $10 a month from now on!

i still haven't told "jay" yet. well, we haven't seen each other since the first time meeting. last week didn't work. tomorrow he is supposed to be coming around 4pm, but i forgot i have a staff meeting at 5:30pm. so we may have to reschudule again. and i'm still battling with how to tell him, and if he rejects me, how will i handle it? i really like this guy, and i want it to work. also i don't want to limit myself to other people with herpes. i really don't. i'll figure it out eventually.

i guess thats all i have tonight. bye to all that stumble on this.

still figuring things out

well i may get to see this guy again tuesday/ wensdayish. (don't you just love how i make up words) i hope so. i miss him. but i'm still finding a way to tell him. this shouldn't be so hard! i've told almost all my friends. hell, before meeting *jay (i'll call the guy "jay") i had a crush, and i told him. rejection is my biggest fear at the moment. what if he freaks out, or doesn't want to even be friends with me because of this? i guess that just means he's not meant for me. but it still sucks to be in this position.

well thats all for now. bye!

grrrrrr! why does this have to be so hard?

well, i'm still trying to figure a way to tell this guy that i have herpes. i've been looking at all these web sites about it, and all the tips on how to tell. it's all the same. be calm, be postive, have info., and see what happens. what if i never find someone? i know i'll find someone... but i think i really like this guy.

i read some of his poems on myspace. he's a very emotional and deep person it seems. from his writing, i can tell he's been fucked over, and hurt at one time. i understand that, and maybe that will be a reason for him to not take a chance with me. i'm a high risk kind of person now. why would he want to risk getting this from me, on top of being a dad, trying to improve himself, have fun. ( i know this all can be accomplished with herpes, but who really thinks that way?)

and i have to tell him soon. we had a lot of fun the other night. making out for a couple hours. all clothes stayed on, but only because they have to. that would not be the time to tell him. right in the middle of getting busy.

well, i guess i'll figure it out soon. he maybe coming over tomorrow. maybe tomorrow will be the day. who knows, i'll find out.

i met the guy

well i met the guy i have been talking to online. i had so much fun. we went for coffee. walked in the rain. we were holding hands and being all googly eyed with each other. came back to my place. we watched "pineapple express", and made out for the entire movie! it was so fun! we hope to hang out again this weekend.

if things go the way the are, i'm going to have to tell him about my condition. i hope that it doesn't matter. i really like him, and want this to go some where. and i just met him. i just feel so good in his company. and things did get pretty hot. clothes stayed on, but what if we continued? FUCK! and he says he already is falling for me. grrrrrr! i don't want this to be ruined because of me having herpes. a STD could really change things for me.

well, i hope things work out. if they don't, there will be someone out there for me. well i'm going to head off. have a good night to everyone who may read this.