it's been one year

today has been one year since i slept with the infector. it's been one year technically since i contracted herpes 2. well i can say it's not as bad as i thought i would be. once in a while my lower area itches or burns, but no actual out break! i've been lucky i think. (well there was one small outbreak, that had 1 sore that stayed around for 2 days.) i also believe the meds. helped out quite a bit.

i still wish i didn't happen. i think i'm still coping with this. it's does scare me yet. granted i've been in relationships of kinds with 2 people. marvin and i are still messing around. we've been hanging out more often lately. i really like him, and he knows what i would like to happen. but if things do not work out, will there really be someone else? marvin was different because he knew before we ever got physical with each other. but for someone who really doesn't know me, and didn't have previous knowledge of my condition. would they be so interested? would it just scare them off?

and i know if things don't work out, there will be someone out there for me. right now i'm only seeing marvin as he is now.... but he did leave me before.... partly for the ex, but also partly because of me having herpes. i know he is still scared about it, and i think this is the main reason he won't "go out with me". that would mean feelings would get stronger, and it would be hared to leave again. this is my theory. but who knows, he has been acting more affectionate. and yesterday i was talking about if i could go back in time, i would go back a year ago... never would have slept with the infector. marvin said if i didn't get it, "we would have never started dating. you would have met some one else." he said "dating".... ?????..... what does that mean? and later on in last evening, he was talking to someone on the phone and said, " i'm with my friend (______), and (______), the women i'm seeing" (i rather not use my name.... and my friend has the same name...lol. also all name have been changed to protect the other people's privacy) so now he said he was "seeing me"....???.... again confusion on my part. i haven't known what to called our relationship, so i tell people he's the person i'm sleeping with pretty much. lol. so i'm not sure what to think. and my friend who shares my name, said he was talking about me. pretty much saying how much he liked me........ (a lil bit influenced at the moment... memory is a bit fuzzy)

so yeah.... i'm going to stop rambling now.... bye for now!