blarg

well, i still don't know whats going on with alex. today it's 3 weeks since i last saw and talked with him. i'm really concerned about him. but i will know nothing more until he calls me back. and it's not even about what "we" are. i just want to know that he is alive and doing as well as he can.

out side of that. marvin and i have been hanging out more. kinda picking up where we left off. lots of physical acts.... and just hanging out. i really like him, but that is nothing new. i've liked him for a while now. but i thought with him returning to his ex, that alex and i were meant to be. i guess not. marvin and his ex are no longer. (other wise i wouldn't be doing all the naughtiness that i have been) i've been thinking more and more that i really do want to be with him, but i don't know what he is feeling towards me. i know he likes me, i know we have a lot of fun together, and i know he cares about me.... but in what sense? as friends.. as something more... or is it just friends that fuck. i'm hoping i can come up with the guts to ask him. also, i know a lot of my friends are not fond of him. so am i really willing to deal with that on top of everything? (and i thought my teen years were confusing)

oh! finally got my period! yippy!!! about a month ago marvin and i slept together, the condom broke.... well just about 2 days later, i took that plan b one step pill. up until this week, everything was fine. then my time of month was late.... by 5 days. so i took a pregnacy test, it came out that there was no baby, but still no period. this morning, marvin and i were messing around. after finishing, he went to the bathroom to remove the condom. calls me in there, and there was blood on it.... i was so happy! no more worries! and we both got a good laugh out it.

well i guess that is it for now. write more later.

not sure whats going on

it's sad... saw alex a week ago, had a great time... and now i can't get a hold of him. it's not normal for us to go a week with out talking. it could be him deal with his family issues right now, but he could at least send me an e-mail, or return my calls once in a while.... i don't know.

then i get all scared that someone may have said something to him. a few weeks ago, marvin and i ended up sleeping together. we had too much to drink, and things happen. and marvin, alex, and marvin's roommate is all on myspace. someone could have said something. (even though i don't really think any of them would say anything) but you never know. all i know is i'm concerned about him, and i wish he would call. (also, alex and i are not going out, dating, or anything like that right now.... i would love to be his girlfriend, but we haven't got to that point yet)

so yeah, i've been sad about this... other things in my life.... i sprained my ankle pretty badly 2 wks ago. now i have a huge ER bill.... damn them and charging so much for an air brace ($83, which you can find at walgreens for $15) my hydrocodone (for 2 pill at the hospital it cost me $16, and i got a presciption of 15 of them for $10) and well the visit it self was $292, and x-rays were $194..... shitty. and now my younger sister is in the hospital... we found out she has corhn's disease, had to have surgery to remove a part of her intestines, her appendix was also removed, and a cyst off her ovary.... the size of a baby's head!

well that's my quick update. bye for now.