FUCK

i'm so sick of feeling like i'm being used! i go to work all fucking day, and marvin sits on his ass at my house playing his fucking computer games. he has his computer here, because i have internet, he eats my food, hardly does any kind of house work to make my day easier... then he has the nerve to tell me i still owe him $20. knowing that i have to pay my rent, my energy bill (which has gone up $20 w/ him being here all the time) grocery shopping, and do laundry. what the fuck. i mean really! it's not like i don't buy him ciggs, smoke him up all the time, feed him, and let him crash here.... and yet we're not a serious relationship. grrrr fucking grrrr! i'm so sick of it.... i get one night to myself.... then he calls to tell me he's coming back over because his roommate didn't come over. so after an hr i call him to see where he's at.... well his roommate got home, and his friend is coming over. so now he's not coming over, but didn't have the sense to call me and let me know. also makes sure i know he's going to be drinking and toking. again knowing that i'm all out of ciggs and pot. well thanks dear... i know where i rank. i don't know how much longer i can put up with this shit. i really do care about him, and would love to be in a "serious" relationship with him.... but i don't know if i can deal with this shit. even in a half assed relationship that we have, he should be doing more. he doesn't work, have no source of income, has almost everything handed to him.... (i'm really pissed that he's telling me that i owe him $) i know i do, and i will get it to him when i can. but really... should i be the one giving him $? with everything i do for him?

well enough of my ranting and raving

the way my life is

i have fell again

i don't know what to do

i love him, but i know his feelings

it all fun and games

until someone gets hurt

but i'm hurting, and the game continues

i offer my heart, only to have it trampled

and yet i hold on to a string of hope

maybe if i become a different person

maybe if i change myself to suit him

maybe his fears will disappear

then all will come together

and my heart will sing

but my brain knows that it won't be

yet my heart keeps holding on to a dream

a dream where he will look at me

and all he sees is love

that together we are safe

we are home

we are one

but it'll never be