grrrrrr fucking grrrrrr

well i had some amazing sex! and that was all fine and dandy. but afterwards marvin and i was talking about how once someone was with him, they never can go back... and so in a joking/ serious fashion, i told him that he better not leave me. and he looked at me, and said that i knew that he'll be leaving eventually. which i know... then i said, why do i always get myself into these abnormal relationships. and it's true... i always do. the last few people i've been with wasn't really anything. sex sex sex... and me falling for the guy.... and that's the problem right now. i really think i love marvin, but how can i tell him? he already knows what i want, he knows i want him to be my boyfriend. i want this to be official, and to go somewhere. i'm sick of being the one with all these emotions, and not have them shared. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!?! and when will i find someone who really wants to be with me... someone who loves me in return?

mmmmmmm....

well i had a great night last night, and a great morning! had some of the best sex i have had in a long time! toked up, ate a good dinner..... this morning marvin and i got up, got physical, and then went for a walk by the lake. toked some more at the lake, looked at the ice. (which is something marvin has never done, but has lived in wisconsin almost his whole life) saw thin ice moving, breaking and cracking.... i have never actually heard ice like this before.... it was like a million crickets chirping all at once. we stayed there for about 2 hrs. just wandering around, looking at the ice formations. very cool. then we went back to his place, had fried potatos and french toast.... ahhhh.... so great!

also i am borrowing a computer from my sister, and it runs so much faster than the one i had. did all my laundry, and cleaned my apartment. it feels like i did so much....lol.... well i guess i did. i feel so accomplished at the moment.

well, i guess that's it.... i don't have anything else i can think of. so bye to those who may read this... which i doubt is anyone...lol.